Get Your Spouse To Connect With Jesus (Here’s How)

There is a picture that is often used in Christian marriages of a triangle. The bottom two points represent the husband and wife, with the intersecting point at the top representing God. If both partners are on a journey towards Christ, they gradually become closer and closer to one another. The best part of this triangle is that even if the couple’s paces are not identical, they still grow closer to Christ and closer to one another.

While this is encouraging, it can be hard, as a wife, to know how to encourage your spouse spiritually. We don’t want to nag, but we don’t want to be silent. The Bible tells us we can win our husbands “without a word” (1 Peter 3:1, ESV). but also admonishes us to, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to all creation” (Mark 16:15, ESV). What then, is the best method for encouraging spiritual growth in our spouse? As always, our answer should be rooted in scripture.

Here are four practical ways to increase your connection to your spouse by pointing them to Jesus.

1. Set an Example

Scripture encourages us to lead by example in many avenues of life: parenting, mentorship, and marriage. When our own spiritual growth or appetite is evident, it can speak volumes to those observing us. Of course, this means that you must be pursuing your own spiritual growth faithfully.

While you may understand the concept of reading your Bible daily, praying, and filling yourself up with biblical principles, you might also consider doing more dedicated studies on marriage.

Do a study on marriage. Read a book on biblical marriage. Listen to a podcast. Better yet, seek a mentor and soak up their wisdom.

The best part of this means of connection with your spouse is that you will be making yourself a better spouse in the process. Elisabeth Elliot likes to remind us that we should focus on ourselves more than on our spouse because while we married a sinner, so did he.

2. Humbly Question

Rather than asking our husband why he doesn’t do something, such as read the Bible or study scriptures, we should inquire about what He does do. Ask Him what he has been listening to or reading. Ask Him about his favorite verse. Ask Him to share his testimony with you. Don’t bombard him with all of these questions all at once but make it evident that you care about His soul.

The Proverbs are full of verses on keeping silent, “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” (Proverbs 17:27-18, ESV).

Keep humble through all of this and focus on positivity. Even if you feel you are further along the spiritual path that your spouse, don’t flaunt it. Encourage him any time you see him taking initiative in this area.

Scripture does set a precedent for exhorting and correcting other believers. You are free to follow the biblical model for this with your spouse if you see an area of sin or a need for spiritual growth. Remember to always, “speak the truth in love,” (Ephesians 4:15, ESV). No one enjoys being attacked.

3. Pray

Telling people we are “praying for them,” has become a cultural saying with little to no action behind it. However, the power of prayer is multi-faceted. Prayer connects us with God and gives us compassion for the object of our prayers. Taking even a brief moment to pray for your husband each day can keep your heart right towards them and can affect change. Focus on praying for their spiritual growth, the strength of your marriage and your that your own behavior toward them will be God-honoring.

I am often reminded that though God can use me to impact my husband for good spiritually, I am not my husband’s holy spirit. As a Christian, my husband has his own Holy Spirit and I can pray for that spirit to move in Him, rather than attempting to move him myself by brute force.

Scripture connects the idea of marriage and prayer when it describes justification for physical separation, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again.” (1 Corinthians 7:5, ESV).

Our concern for our husband should not cause us to separate from him emotionally or physically. We can pray for him, but we “come together again,” and treat him the same when our prayers are done.

In our humanness, prayer can feel futile or intangible. Go ahead and write some of the prayers down. Stick a note in your husband’s lunch to tell him you prayed for him. When you pray at a meal or in the evening, include a prayer for his health or work. Let him hear that you care for him spiritually without lecturing or having long discussions, especially at bedtime.

4. Become One

Mental and spiritual connections are excellent ways to tighten the bond between husband and wives. Sharing beliefs and ideas helps us to feel known and strengthens the connection and oneness we feel with our spouse.

One practical way to do this is to listen to or read the same things. When I am pondering new concepts, ideas, or ways of life I will often send my husband a link to the book or podcast I was listening to. I will ask him if he wants to listen or simply say something like, “I found this really interesting and was wondering what you would think of it. Listen if you have a chance!” Then, when we are together again, we can discuss the ideas and share our hearts.

This method helped us to align on homeschool, small-scale farming, and so much more as a couple. I have even read a book aloud with my husband so that we could feast on the same stories and concepts in real time.

If he is born again, our husband is our brother in Christ and scripture recognizes the joy of being one in our ideas, “how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!”(Psalm 133, ESV).

As author Gary Thomas states, “A good marriage isn’t something you find; it’s something you make.” Each of these methods can move a couple along the triangle and help make your marriage a spiritually fulfilling one. God, in his wisdom and kindness has allowed for us to become closer with our husband as we become closer to Him. Keep your heart ordered toward Christ first and your relationship with your husband will follow.

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