Feeling Invisible? 3 Biblical Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage After Motherhood

Parenthood often demands so much attention that a marriage can sometimes feel neglected. However, the Bible teaches the importance of maintaining a strong marriage even while raising children. What three biblical principles can you and your spouse follow to prioritize your relationship, ensuring that your marriage remains a strong foundation for your family despite the demands of parenthood?

Parenthood is demanding. The focus needed to raise, train, and discipline children can sometimes cause our marriages to take the back burner. However, Scripture points to the importance of continuing to focus on and strengthen your marriage even in the season of child-rearing. Rather than neglecting your marriage in the busy years of growing a family, you should ensure that the foundation of your marriage stays strong. Ultimately, a stronger marriage will create a stronger family, which will create a smoother parenting experience. Focusing on three core biblical principles surrounding marriage can help your marriage to thrive, even in the midst of raising children.

Come Together

When God created Adam and Eve, He designed them to be one flesh. It is interesting that a child grown in its mother’s womb is not described in a similar manner. Perhaps this is because that child will one day leave the family circle to begin their own one-flesh relationship. While we are always parents, our connection with our children changes as they grow, yet our spouse will still be there. That relationship should be protected.

One important aspect of the marriage relationship is the physical connection. The years of raising littles can be tiring, and then your teens want to talk all night. It can be tempting to neglect physical intimacy, but God designed this aspect of marriage to be an important connection point for couples.

Even if your days are busy and you are dividing and conquering, you can come back together in a “one flesh” way. Scripture is clear that this aspect of your relationship should not be neglected: “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:9 ESV).

When life is full of challenges and stress, you don’t want to give the devil a foothold in creating any divisions in your marriage. Discuss your need to maintain intimacy with your spouse. Be honest and open about it. If it doesn’t seem to happen naturally, then make a plan and commit to preserving this integral part of your marital bond. Marriage is God’s design, and His ways are always for our good and His glory. Following His design will reap blessings in your marriage.

Fellowship of the Saints

The other connection that is key to maintaining and strengthening is your spiritual connection. Just as Scripture tells us to “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:24–25 ESV), your spouse often knows your strengths and weaknesses. They are an excellent mirror. Be sure to encourage one another in the areas where you’re thriving and also where growth is needed.

Search the Scriptures as a team to help you in your parenting. Pray together for strength and connection. Help one another with your spiritual questions and discouragements. Consider reading a book of the Bible together, a biblical book on marriage or parenting, or even memorizing Scripture together. Staying connected spiritually helps you stay on the same page in your convictions and decision-making.

Maintaining Your Roles

God has designed marriage to function smoothly when it adheres to His design. When we feel overwhelmed, we can feel alone. Even though we are married, one spouse may assume more of a childcare role while the other takes on more of a breadwinner role. This can lead to feelings of isolation and invisibility, which in turn can lead to a feeling of independence. Marriage, however, is meant to be interdependent, with each spouse responsible for different aspects. Scripture tells us, “Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33 ESV).

These roles need to be maintained despite the impact that child raising is having on each person individually. Wives should make sure their focus on their children is not causing them to disrespect or usurp their husbands. Likewise, husbands need to be sure that they are showering their wives with as much love as their children. If you feel that this area of your marriage has suffered, have a conversation about where each of you can improve. Search the Scriptures and evaluate your marriage. Make sure that you are still prioritizing a God-honoring marriage relationship in this season. Seek counsel if needed. Don’t use your children as an excuse to neglect your spouse.

Your children will be blessed as they witness the strong foundation of your marriage. The way that you and your spouse interact will display the gospel to them in a unique way. Protecting and preserving a Christlike marriage is healthy for you and your spouse—and for your children. A strong marriage creates a strong family.

God designed marriage to be the sturdy foundation upon which families are built. When we prioritize our relationship with our spouse according to God’s Word—coming together as one flesh, encouraging one another spiritually, and maintaining our God-given roles—we not only strengthen our marriage but also bless our children with a living example of Christ’s love and faithfulness.

Let us be intentional in protecting and nurturing our marriages, knowing that a strong, Christ-centered marriage builds a strong, Christ-centered family. In doing so, we honor the Lord and leave a legacy that reflects His glory for generations to come.