5 Ways God Wants to Use Your Imperfect Marriage

From the time I committed my life to the Lord at the age of 17, my life has been anchored and stabilized in Him. At that vulnerable and sensitive age, my whole life before me, I was plagued by many doubts and misgivings. Apprehensions about marriage – finding the right life partner, not being taken for granted, or feeling disrespected in it, etc. – were the most prevalent. Once I knew Him, I lost my fears and anxieties since I knew He would take care of my marriage. Yet my dreams about my marriage didn’t happen automatically, though my husband and I were both followers of Christ.

Here are some nuggets of truth from my/our life:

To Teach You Patience, Grace, and Commitment

The first marriage was significantly placed in a garden, and the first couple began their life in Eden. The Song of Solomon shows marital love being expressed in garden terms. Gardens flourish, yield fruit, and become an aesthetic pleasure only with hard labor, watchfulness, and a grasp of seasons. So, my marriage also needed investment to prosper.

It was a daily choice to live with my spouse, to negotiate his quirks and peculiarities, to put up with his insecurities, and to see the good in him. I had to learn to forgive and forget, and put myself under his authority. He also had to put up with my kinks and caprices, and negotiate and navigate my eccentricities!

At some point, both of us wanted to walk out of the marriage, but we stuck it out because we had promised before God and man. We needed to raise our children as a godly generation. Our parents needed comfort in their senior years, not drama. We had to bless the church with our fidelity and be a witness to the watching world.

We knew we were part of something cosmic, not temporal, and so humbled ourselves to accept one another. Together we dealt with our compatibility and incompatibility within the context of births, deaths, changes, financial constraints, family pressures, environmental changes, sicknesses, losses and gains. We constantly strove to build a solid home and a stable family!

To Make You Holy, Not Just Happy

God isn’t aiming first for our happiness but holiness, since that brings ultimate satisfaction and an abundant life. True blessedness, as seen in Matthew 5:3-12, refers to an unshakable inner joy and an enviable state of being, independent of circumstances. God wants us to be holy so that we can live in deep spiritual prosperity, full of stable peace and joy that is both satisfying and long-lasting.

We had to learn to adjust to and put up with one another’s infirmities, and to rejoice in each other’s strengths. We learned to fill our own shortcomings with our partner’s richness so that we do not compete but complement and complete one another. We learned that our gaps are the very ones that help us to fit into one another, and thus, truly become one, in spirit and in flesh. A marriage relationship is like a zigzag puzzle where we each fit into one another to achieve the greatest oneness and unity.

We were opposites, something many consider a deterrent for a harmonious marriage. Yet, it was this seeming disparity that made us a team and shielded us from the forces of darkness. God’s grace cemented us as a couple and sanctified our efforts, granting us true oneness!

To Raise the Next Generation in a Godly Home

Children thrive and grow well within the context of a safe home and a healthy marriage. Marriage is the vehicle, and home is the best instrument by which the next generation learns life’s lessons in a safe environment. God has given the greatest task of raising a godly progeny to a husband and wife.

Raising kids, whether they are biological, adopted, or fostered, is no walk in the park. Strength, stamina, grit, and endurance are needed to nurse and nurture a child through all stages of life, through adulthood. In our marriage, standing together for this goal molded us into a team.

The ground root of oneness in Genesis 2:24 and Psalm 45:10 is forgetting the father’s house. We had to find a new normal by letting go of the past and finding what worked best for us. We were constantly seeking to bolster, not undermine, each other’s roles and mutual respect, and to give no room to anyone trying to divide us. We had different opinions and outlooks, but sought to find a consensus or compromise to preserve the marriage.

Parenting can place a real strain on a marriage, so we had to set healthy boundaries and stay on the same team. We learned to support each other, protect our relationship from outside pressures, and we had to close ranks while going through the throes of parenting!

To Strengthen the Church and Bless the World Around You

The letters to Timothy and Titus show us that the smaller family unit is the training ground for leadership in the family of God. The godly order of a loving husband and a submissive wife, raising obedient children, had to be part of our lives. It meant making sacrifices, humbling ourselves, and being transparent. God had to be first in everything in our lives.

I had to let go of my anger and bitterness and practice forgiveness even when I didn’t feel like it. He had to control his anger and adjust to my stubbornness. We were often tempted to walk away from each other, since it was easier than staying to reconcile. We made mistakes that cost us, but by God’s grace, we stuck it out.

We laid down our pride and gave each other second chances. We rose above circumstances that pushed us apart. We had to give up our rights – the right to be angry, the right to hold grudges, the right not to forgive, the right not to trust, etc. – and reach across the divide to solidify and rebuild our relationship.

To Reflect His Covenant Love to a Watching World

God created marriage and used it to depict His commitment to Israel in the book of Hosea. He personifies the Church as the bride of Christ. Marriage is meant to reveal God’s covenant relationship with His people to a broken world. As His people build stable marriages, those outside the fold will marvel and come to Him. Strong marriages become witnesses of our faith and His faithfulness in a confused society.

Building a healthy, God-centered marriage isn’t easy because the enemy is always trying to divide what God has joined together. Being accountable to mentors, taking time to be part of a small group, and not missing out on the community of faith’s gatherings were key habits we developed. We learned practical tools and upgraded our skills by attending Marriage Enrichment Courses, family camps and workshops. We built other marriages by opening our home to young couples and serving as church leaders. These strengthened us in our commitment to one another, and our marriage became a witness to His grace as our relationship aged like fine wine!

Marriage may be God’s design, but it is lived out in the everyday realities of life. Don’t let yourselves drift apart. Keep choosing to walk together, building a Christ-centered home and family one day at a time.