The word “submissive” is very taboo in the modern day. In Christianity, there’s a lot of talk surrounding what it means to be a submissive wife. The phrase “submissive wife” is often harmful but shouldn’t be. The modern world has turned it into something it’s not, and it’s best to debunk these myths. Here are some myths about being a submissive wife.
The first myth about being a submissive wife is that you let your husband abuse you. Most people think being a submissive wife means letting your husband mentally, physically, and verbally abuse you. However, this is a dangerous mindset as it causes others to believe it’s okay to endure abuse within marriage if they get married. Abuse isn’t okay and goes against God’s design for marriage, as detailed in Ephesians 5:22-33. You should never let your spouse abuse you in any way.
Being a submissive wife means your husband respects you, and you submit to your husband as in the Lord, meaning that you only submit per what God says. If your husband tells you to do something that doesn’t align with what the Bible says, then submissive wives don’t follow this. Submissive wives aren’t weak, nor are they uneducated. Instead, submissive wives love their husbands, and their husbands love them too. Being submissive is mutual, as the wife submits to her husband, but it also means the husband submits to his wife.
Another myth about being a submissive wife is that you let your husband walk all over you. If your husband walks all over you, it’s time for a discussion with other trusted Christians. If your husband is hurting you or not treating you right, it goes against Paul’s teachings in Ephesians 5:22-33. A submissive wife doesn’t let her husband walk all over her, nor would he want to because he respects her.
Again, submissiveness is mutual as the marriage covenant is equally made between spouses. Instead of allowing her husband to walk over her, a submissive wife is the same as the Proverbs 31 wife. Proverbs 31 shares what a noble wife should be and what she should do. A submissive wife does all these things; in no way does Proverbs 31 describe someone walked over or weak.
Another myth about being a submissive wife is that you do everything your husband tells you to do. A wife is not supposed to do everything her husband says if it doesn’t agree with the Lord. A husband who loves his wife and loves God wouldn’t ask his wife to do something wrong or make her do something against her will. In other words, a loving husband wouldn’t ask his wife to do something that would hurt her or make her feel bad about herself.
A submissive wife only submits to God. She never submits to anything that goes against what God says in the Bible. People often think submissive wives just listen to their husbands without deciding on their own. This is an improper view because submissive wives are intelligent, strong, and follow God. Because of their faith in God, they’re respectful toward their husband. Simultaneously, men should respect their wives and treat them well.
A fourth myth about being a submissive wife is that you don’t think for yourself, which is far from the truth. Submissive wives are brilliant. They can make informed decisions, think for themselves, and make decisions without their husbands when needed. This is an essential myth not to overlook when correcting your false view of submissive wives because they think for themselves and typically are involved in making significant decisions, like buying a home, having children, or moving to a new city.
There are some groups in which the wives are taught not to think for themselves, but this isn’t the same as being a submissive wife in Christianity. For example, many people believe the Duggar family shows an accurate view of submissive wives, but this isn’t true. The Duggars are involved with the IBLP, a group with many charges against it. Michelle Duggar was programmed to act a certain way. However, the Bible doesn’t tell us we must act this way to be a submissive wife. Instead, following God and respecting your husband is what a genuinely submissive wife is.
Submissive wives are more than capable of doing great things independently and can think for themselves. This is a truth that’s usually overlooked because of a diluted definition of submissiveness. Submissive wives aren’t “out to lunch,” nor do they go along with what their husbands say. Instead, they think for themselves and choose to do things that bring God the glory. Wives who aren’t submissive hope to find problems, start fights, and disrespect their husbands. A submissive wife avoids these things, trusting that her marriage is in the hands of God.
A final myth about being a submissive wife is that you’re inadequate on your own. As a woman, it can feel like you’re not enough alone, especially within Christian culture. You’re treated as less than if you’re unmarried, which can be hurtful. God loves all people and are valuable, whether married or not. However, this false view of women can cause most people to believe that submissive wives aren’t enough alone.
Truly biblical, submissive wives don’t rely on their husbands for everything. Instead, they can do things on their own, and God is the only person they fully rely on. If you’ve been taught the view that you would be inadequate on your own if you were a submissive wife, understand this isn’t true. You’re a valuable person now and always will be. You’re loved and valued just as you are. If you’re married one day and out of love for your husband, you become a submissive wife, understand that it’s not a weakness.
The world has a different perspective of submissiveness today, and it’s not the same as the biblical definition. Submissive wives respect, love and submit to their husbands. In this way, husbands respect, love, and mutually submit to them.