Raise your hand if you once believed pregnancy was going to be the hardest part.
Maybe that was just me.
My first pregnancy was rough, but it was nothing compared to the adjustment of bringing home that sweet baby who was simultaneously someone we loved more than we thought we could love another person but also a seemingly demanding house guest who spoke a foreign language on an opposite circadian clock than us.
I think we all have that moment, around 3 am, after becoming parents, when we run into our better half in the hallway after double-teaming the diaper change and feeding. We look at our spouse at that moment through a hazy vision, realizing we hardly recognize each other.
The arrival of a baby can and does shift our focus, but intentionally nurturing the relationship that led to that baby is vital. Here are seven practical ways to strengthen your connection with your spouse.
Even if it’s just 15-30 minutes, set aside dedicated time each day to connect without distractions; this could be after the baby is asleep, during a feeding, or even just cuddling on the couch. Ladies, remember how great his shoulder is? Snuggle up.
Physical touch is soothing. Share how your day went at that moment, which brings us to our next suggestion.
Share your feelings, fears, joys, and struggles with each other. Be a good listener and offer empathy. It is OK if you talk about the baby or not; just talk and share.
It’s also OK to admit you’re tired and overwhelmed. I venture to say it is OK to have moments when you miss your pre-baby life a little bit. None of that makes you a bad parent or means you love that precious baby any less.
In fact, chances are your spouse may feel similarly, and open and honest dialogue goes a long way toward adjusting to your new party of three lifestyle.
Again, make sure you practice that TikTok trend; we listen, not judge, just as James 1:19 (NIV) instructs us. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
Did he get up running late for work but took the time to dig out yoga pants and a t-shirt out of the laundry mountain so you could wear something that didn’t have a skunk-inspired spit-up streak down the back? Did she pack your lunch in the fridge after she pumped it at midnight so you could grab it on your way out the door?
Don’t forget to say thank you. Acknowledge and thank your spouse for the big and small things they do. Simple words of gratitude can go a long way.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV) reminds us to “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” We should thank God and also show gratitude to the partner He has given us.
Regular hugs, hand-holding, and gentle touches can reinforce your bond and provide comfort. We talked about this earlier. My husband’s shoulder is my safe place. Being close to each other is necessary for a healthy relationship.
Work as a team, dividing baby-related tasks and offering help when one spouse is overwhelmed. This looks different for everyone. It is noteworthy that the give-and-take method can look different for every couple and each subsequent baby.
So, experiment and find what works. If one of us does the bath, the other gets the baby dressed. Or, maybe mom takes a nap before dad goes to bed, and you take over care in shifts at night. Another idea might be to take turns getting up with the baby.
You’ll both be sleep-deprived, mind you, and probably consider purchasing his and her coffee makers, but you will both get some needed rest, and that is what matters.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV) sums it up best, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”
This one is so important. You are new parents, and that is awesome, but don’t forget who you were first and the things in life that bring you joy. Chances are, your kid will find those pieces of you fascinating later to boot.
Encourage each other to pursue interests outside of parenting. This can help prevent resentment and bring fresh perspectives to the relationship.
For example, my husband loves music and guitars. He collects and plays them. I’m a creative writer. I like to write stories. We are at our best when we nurture these parts of ourselves.
Uniting in prayer can strengthen your spiritual connection and bring comfort and guidance during challenging times. You can pray about all sorts of things—each other, the kids, your marriage, finances…whatever is on your heart.
I love Matthew 18:20 (NIV). It says, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” When our youngest was a baby, he had a scary medical emergency. God blessed him and healed him. Never, ever in our lives have we been so terrified or prayed so hard.
God was there at the hospital. He was with us at home when we gave our son shots every morning for eight weeks. He was there during the EEGs. He gave us strength and comfort. And he was in the room when the doctor declared our baby was healed and gave all the glory to Him.
Of course, this example is extreme, but my point is that when we pray together, God joins the chat. When He shows up, the strength and unity are intense and blessed.
Bringing a new baby home is a transformative experience, and while it brings immense joy, it also demands intentional effort to keep your marriage thriving. By prioritizing “us” time, communicating openly, expressing appreciation, showing physical affection, sharing responsibilities, maintaining individual interests, and praying together, you can not only navigate this new season but also deepen your love and commitment to each other.
Remember, your marriage is the foundation of your family, and nurturing it is a gift to yourselves and your child.
Colossians 3:14 (NIV) reminds us to “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”