Learning from My Toddler: Giving Up Control and Finding Childlike Joy

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 ESV

I’m someone who likes things neat, organized and well-structured. I enjoy setting clear plans, following systems and creating order in the chaos. Sometimes my desire to control the outcomes can feel even more magnified in my role as a parent—and can ultimately rob me of joy.

So, when it came time to celebrate my son’s third birthday, I had to smile—and release control—when he said he wanted a construction cake, dinosaur balloons, monster trucks, Hot Wheels, airplanes and trains. He wanted all of it—together. There was no cohesive theme, no Pinterest-perfect color palette. It was a glorious mash-up of all the things that light up his three-year-old heart. And it was… awesome.

I looked at my wife, surrounded by mismatched decorations and squeals of delight, and said:

“Is this most three-year-olds’ parties—everything they love, all at once?”

In that moment, something deeper struck me too.

As a structured adult, I’m often looking for themes and consistency, and I prefer plans that make sense. But my son? He doesn’t care about that. He just knows what he loves and wants all of it, without apology or a second thought. His birthday party reflected just that. Each thing—dinosaurs, construction, cars and planes—had nothing to do with the other. However, altogether they represented a world of delight, curiosity and joy.

In my son’s simple satisfaction was a lesson. He reminded me that joy doesn’t need to be efficient or structured. Delight doesn’t have to be themed. And how life often unfolds—chaos and all—is something to embrace with rejoicing, gusto and a vision for opportunity, rather than control.

God isn’t always working in the ways we think He should, but His way is always infinitely better. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Therefore, it’s a comfort to remember that God is always operating behind the scenes for our good, most of the time in ways that don’t make sense to us, far beyond our scope of understanding or control.

So, why are we always trying to control everything?

In Matthew 19:14, Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” I used to interpret this passage of Scripture as a sole reference to childlike faith. But lately, I’ve realized it’s much more than that; it includes childlike joy, too.

Kids don’t care if everything matches, and they don’t overthink the optics. They don’t obsess with tight schedules or perfect outcomes. They simply delight in the good—and maybe that’s part of the kingdom Jesus was talking about. Matthew 18:3 instructs us to become like little children to receive the fullness of heaven. Their pure wonder, innocence, earnestness and elation for the smallest of things are all examples that we must imitate—things we have grown to forget as the trials of life have worn us down and elevated our anxieties.

My amazing toddler and his epic birthday party, with its chaotic blend of trucks and T-rexes, reminded me that the presence of joy is often worth more than the absence of disorder. That being present and taking in every moment matters more than worrying about the outcomes or perceptions of others.

As parents, it’s easy to get caught up in trying to curate experiences. But sometimes, the most sacred moments are found in what looks a little messy, a little random—and a lot like joy. If you’re feeling the tension between wanting structure and being pulled into your toddler’s wild world, you’re not alone.

In the messier moments of life that feel altogether overwhelming, in the hardest days when you’re at your wit’s end, take comfort in the words of Romans 8:28:

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

You don’t have to control the chaos to find meaning in it, and you don’t need perfect themes to have heavenly moments. You just need to be there, open-hearted and willing to receive what God might be showing you through the unpredictable joys of life—including and especially through the pandemonium of parenthood.