7 Truths Jesus Can Teach Your Teen About Friendship

Friendship is one of the greatest blessings of the teen years. It’s also one of the most difficult areas to navigate! Whether it is someone getting left out, fluctuating group dynamics, or a division in the friendship, one thing is for sure—teen friendships are not for the faint of heart!

It isn’t easy to walk through these challenges with our own kids. Our hearts instinctively hurt for our teen when someone is unkind to them, and we wrestle with feelings of shame and disappointment when our teen is the one being unkind.

When distressing situations arise between your teen and their friends (and they will), how do you know what advice to give them?

Thankfully, Jesus modeled how to navigate friendships better than anyone. Here are seven truths Jesus can teach your teen about friendship.

7 Truths Jesus Can Teach Your Teen About Friendship

1. There are different levels of friendship.

We tend to think of Jesus as a friend to everyone, and while it is true that He cared for everyone, He clearly displayed varying levels of friendship with the people He encountered.

First, there was the crowd/acquaintances, the people Jesus had minimal interaction with, usually in large group settings. Next, there was His close friend group (the disciples, Mary, Martha, Lazarus, etc.), the ones Jesus lived with. They travelled together, shared meals and swapped stories, and rode out the storms of life together.

And then there was His inner circle. On several occasions, Jesus pulled Peter, James, and John away from the others and gave them more intimate access to His life.

Picture these groups as concentric circles, getting smaller as they move towards the middle. There is a large outer group, a medium-sized middle group, and a tiny inner circle.

Teenagers often lump all their friends into one giant category. Some of the struggles they face result from giving inner-circle access to acquaintance-level friends or trying to force their way into the wrong circle. This visual can be so helpful for teens as they learn how Jesus managed his relationships, enabling them to do the same.

2. Friendships are fluid—people move in and out of those circles.

It’s important to remember that friendships are fluid, particularly in adolescence.

Teens are constantly shifting from one circle to another. Someone might prove to be a loyal friend with shared values, allowing them to slide into the inner circle. Or time might reveal some character flaws or personality conflicts that make them difficult to be around, shifting them back into the “crowd” category.

In Mark 10:17-27, Jesus offers a man from his outer circle an opportunity to move closer. However, upon learning the cost, the man goes away sad. Expecting friendships to be fluid can help our teens (and us as parents) to hold them a little more loosely and temper our reactions.

3. Sometimes friends aren’t what you think.

It takes time to get to know people. They usually start by putting their best foot forward, but over time, they relax and reveal a more genuine version of themselves. Sometimes this matches our impression of them, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Judas is a good example of someone who turned out to be different from what was expected. Jesus brought Judas into his close friend group, where he seemed to fit in perfectly with the other disciples. But after three years, the increasing tension around them revealed his greedy heart.

It’s good for teens to recognize that Jesus knows what it is like to lose a friend. Can you imagine how His heart must have hurt as He released Judas to arrange for His betrayal? Unfortunately, disappointment and loss are part of the friendship puzzle and must be expected.

4. Choose your inner circle carefully.

Consequently, it is so important for your teen to be selective about who they allow into their inner circle. The friends closest to us usually get access to our biggest dreams, darkest secrets, and innermost thoughts. This privilege should not be handed out lightly. Inner circle friends should be trustworthy, loyal, and dependable.

Jesus occasionally pulled aside Peter, James, and John and spent time with just them. He revealed more of Himself to them than He did to the others—more of His humanity and more of His glory (see Luke 9:28-36 and Mark 14:32-42).

Though not perfect, these men proved their loyalty to Jesus over time. Jesus was careful about who He chose to reveal more of Himself to. He knew that baring His soul to the wrong people could be hurtful or even dangerous.

The same is true for your teen. Chances are high that at some point, someone in their inner circle will let them down. That’s when you remind them that Jesus understands how that feels, because it happened to Him too.

5. Friends will betray you.

Judas wasn’t the only one who betrayed Jesus; so did Peter. When Jesus needed his friend the most, Peter acted like he didn’t even know him. After everything they had been through together, Peter denied Jesus in His darkest hour. Some friend he was!

Yes, Jesus knows what it feels like to be betrayed by your best friend. The heartache, the devastation, the loneliness—all of it. And if it happened to the Son of God, surely we should not be surprised when it happens to us.

As blindsided as your teen might feel when a friend betrays them, it is important to maintain perspective. Betrayal is one of the realities of friendship. It is painful, but that pain is not permanent, and it usually says more about the betrayer than about the one being betrayed.

6. Friendship requires forgiveness.

Thankfully, that betrayal was not the end of the story for Jesus and Peter. John 21 shares a beautiful account of their reconciliation, as Jesus offers Peter the opportunity to reaffirm his devotion.

And in Mark 16:7, the angel commands the women to “Go tell the disciples and Peter” that Jesus was alive. It’s not a coincidence that the angel singled out Peter. Jesus knew Peter carried the burden of his betrayal, and He was extending the forgiveness Peter so desperately longed for.

Every friendship requires forgiveness. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Learning to forgive a friend is essential for your teen, as is seeking forgiveness when they have hurt someone else.

7. Friendship is essential.

Finally, Jesus spent most of His time surrounded by friends. If the Son of God considered friendship essential, how much more should we? Yes, it can be messy. And yes, sometimes friendships fail and cause tremendous pain. But we were created for community with God and others, and if Jesus made it a priority, so should we!

Your teen needs to know that God values friendship. Just as He blessed His Son with friends to laugh, cry, and pray with, He desires to give these same gifts to your teen. If they will learn from Jesus’ example, they can embrace this blessing and navigate the ups and downs of friendship with grace and peace.