The Grace Perspective That Changes Flawed Marriages

As much as we may try to imitate Christ in our lives, we fail daily. This includes our interactions with our spouses. Two imperfect people living together result in countless situations where grace is needed.

Instead of being annoyed when your spouse doesn’t respond the way you want them to or becoming frustrated at yet another misunderstanding, how can you view it as an opportunity to show God’s love and grace to one another in your marriage?

A Chance to Reconnect

A little grace can go a long way! Miscommunication causes many problems in marriages. Once communication issues start, it can be hard to get back on track

In my own marriage, I’ve noticed we go through times where it just feels like something is off between us. One of us might take something that was said the wrong way, or be short with the other without realizing it. Then, once this pattern starts, it tends to keep happening.

As much as we may want to let these things go to try to “keep the peace,” I find that ignoring them only makes the problem worse. The best thing we can do is slow down and take time together to talk about them so we can figure out the issue.

Miscommunications are usually the result of being busy and missing meaningful connections with each other throughout the day.

It can be frustrating to feel misunderstood, but it gives us the opportunity to improve our communication habits with our spouse moving forward. There are several proactive ways to do this:

• Address any communication issues you notice.

• Be intentional about spending time together to reconnect with one another.

• Acknowledge struggles affecting your responses to each other (not feeling well, long day, insecurities, exhaustion, stress, etc.).

• Check in regularly with each other.

• Make an effort to communicate kindly and efficiently, even (and especially) when life gets busy.

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Colossians 4:6, ESV).

An Opportunity For Deeper Understanding

When misunderstandings arise in our marriages, we can feel like we’re on a completely different page than our spouse. It can be hurtful and make us question if our spouse knows us at all.

However, these situations give us a chance to dig deeper. Usually, your spouse isn’t trying to upset you or disagree with you just to make you mad. Their perspective on an issue might be completely different than yours, and that’s okay.

Addressing misunderstandings can require difficult and awkward conversations, but truly getting to know our spouses’ brains and thinking will give us greater compassion and a deeper understanding of one another.

If we can talk openly with our spouses about where each of us is coming from, it will go a long way to understanding each other, even if we still don’t end up agreeing.

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4, ESV).

Making Room For Humanity

Realizing your spouse isn’t perfect is essential to a healthy marriage. Not only does your spouse have a personality that may differ significantly from yours, but they also have unique struggles and shortcomings—as do you!

We have to make room for each other in our marriages. Learn about the other person and embrace the qualities that make them who they are. Gain an understanding of who they are and how their experiences in life have shaped them.

God created men and women differently and gave each individual a unique personality. This difference brings several positive factors to marriages and all our relationships. Our differences can help us work well together and balance each other out. However, they can also lead to issues at times.

When someone thinks and functions differently from us, it can be difficult to understand and have compassion for them. Marriage gives us the opportunity to learn about each other, gain insight into how the other works, and ultimately develop a deep compassion for them.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32, ESV).

Christlike Grace

Having a heart of grace for one another is not always fun or easy, but it reflects Christ’s heart toward us. Marriage allows us to love our spouses with the same type of unconditional love and grace that Jesus demonstrates for us.

We should have the same heart for our spouse as God does for his church. How are you reflecting God’s love for us, as his bride, through your own marriage?

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8, ESV).