Marriage Was Never Just About You

Marriage is a covenant relationship between the spouses with God and man as witnesses. It isn’t the invention of man but a creation and ordinance of God. He favors marriage as noted in Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” God saw Adam’s need for a companion and created someone suitable for him, made of his essence and in the image of God. He did so that, in oneness, they would form a powerful union, sharing dominion, stewardship and governance on earth. From the outset, the marriage union has had the mandate to multiply, replenish, fill, and rule the earth.

Sin marred the intention of God, distorting His perfect plan, giving rise to distrust, fault-finding, and competition within this relationship. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross reset this mismatch and realigned the relationship in Him, with the potential to regain its original design. So, Christ established an order for His families and churches: self-sacrificing and loving husbands, willing and submissive wives, obedient and respectful children, serving employees, and fair employers (Eph 5:21-6:3). This is possible when both spouses adopt the nature of Christ and live a life of dependency on Him (1 Peter 3:1-10).

These instructions were given to sustain mutuality in marriage, to help the family function as a healthy unit within the Body of Christ, and to contribute to the well-being of society at large.

Blessing the next generation.

Godly offspring, the first and immediate outcome of marriage oneness (Mal 2:14), is part of His plan to have a people for Himself who would bear His Name, and carry His nature. The physical expression of love between a man and a woman is to be a sacred bond of oneness that cements their relationship, not for selfish personal gratification. The fruit of the womb born out of this was to be nurtured and raised for Him (Gen 18:19).

The home offers the best environment and the safest place for children to learn the truths of the Word in and through life situations, providing an easy atmosphere in which they can grasp biblical truths in real time. When parents pray, read the Word, participate in a church community, and welcome and serve others, their children experience His principles firsthand. Teaching children about God’s ways, showing them evidence of His care in everyday life, and raising them according to His precepts help them know that He is real and present, not a distant deity.

Parents living out their faith and commitment to Christ, through the ups and downs of life, motivate children to follow Him. When my son was struggling to trust God, I spoke to him about times when God answered our prayers and encouraged him by pointing out physical evidence in our home. The home thus becomes the place for children to learn the faithfulness of our Lord firsthand and to commit themselves to Him.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 asks us to impress upon our children His principles, never failing to use every opportunity of daily life to impact them. The home is a microcosm of His Church, where children are shaped and formed as His unique handiwork, enriching society with their gifts and talents and serving as salt and light in the midst of a perverse generation (Psalm 127:3–5).

Blessing the church community.

Each family is the basic building block of the Body of Christ, and so, the health of each family ensures the welfare and witness of the church. If the church is to be the pillar and ground of the truth of the gospel (1 Tim 3:14-16) and showcase His manifold wisdom to all above and below the earth (Eph 3:10), then its constituent families need to be sound and functional units within it. Healthy families ensure healthy churches, making them the salt of the earth and the light of this world. Hence, our marriages need to be set in order as per His guidelines (Eph 5:21-6:9) so that our homes will become cities of refuge for the poor and needy, for the marginalized and hurting to find comfort and healing.

When your marriage is strong, your children secure and serving, your home becomes a place where others experience Christ in a real and authentic way. They will see the claims of the gospel embodied in reality and will be attracted to Christ. The hospitality of your home and the generosity of your family will act as the balm of Gilead, soothing hurts and healing wounds. My friend, after raising her kids, is now fostering others, giving them a stable home, love, discipline, and order, anchoring them to safety and security in Christ.

The effective witness of a church rests upon the stability of its families and homes, and so, we must build our marriages with this understanding. We love, forgive, bear with one another, and seek the good of the other in our marriages so that the community of faith we are part of becomes a force to reckon with. Our marriages are meant to be holy and sacred so that God’s love and care shine forth from them in a way that is irresistible to others, who will then be impacted by our good deeds and lifestyle (Tit 2:14).

Blessing the world around.

The world is weary and tired of witnessing filth, betrayal, trauma, negativities, violence, and greed. It is hungering to see and experience beauty, goodness, care, concern, security, and love that has no agenda or personal gain. Only those who belong to Christ have the power and means to reflect this in and through their lives, families, and churches. None other can do this, nor do they have the motivation to do unto others. Christ died not just so we might go to heaven, but so we might preach and bring reconciliation. Empowered and transformed, we need to bridge the gap between Him and His creation, and between people.

The world considers the family to be the foundational unit of society, serving as the primary institution for nurturing individuals, transmitting culture, and establishing social stability. A productive, constructive family blesses the society around it with its goodness and fruitfulness. Disciples of Christ ought to build their homes and marriages to be a blessing to society, not a blight or curse, but an example for others to observe and emulate.

My husband and I are very active as counselors and teachers in our community. Having raised a family, we are now called to help couples in their marriage, families in parenting, churches with training, and others with our kindness and quiet lives. A Christian couple can be a protective force and shield to those around them through prayer and godly conduct.

God’s intention from the beginning was to bless everything through a couple united in holy matrimony (Gen 1:28). Unfortunately, today, marriage is mostly touted for personal gain and as a means to individual happiness.

Marriage is meant for growth and holiness—for learning to become one, for living to bless one another and others, and for exemplifying the biblical principle that it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Christ modeled this for us and calls us, His Bride, to do the same, so that the world may come to Him through our marriages and the blessing of our homes.