Is Your Marriage a Garden or a Battle Zone?

God always planned for our marriages to be banquets of joy and love, not some duty or obligation. God hates it when couples divorce each other emotionally as well as legally. He wants our marriages to be gardens of support and affection where both parties draw strength from each other. He wants our children raised in an atmosphere of love and laughter. I am not suggesting that anyone stay in an abusive marriage, but I am suggesting we change the way we look at marriage.

I have experienced both ends of the spectrum. My parents lived as strangers in the same house. I have heard  the concept of submission taught in ways that terrified young girls to even think of marrying. Who would willingly resign themselves to a life of drudgery and the loss of their individuality? I have also seen men railroaded and belittled by their wives. Marriage should never mean loss to either party. God created a hunger in Adam for companionship, and then He formed Eve to fulfill this need. It was God, not man, who originally determined it was not good for the man to be alone, and it was God who blessed what they did together.

There is the capacity for increase whenever the two are one. Increase is not limited to just having children; it encompasses everything. What might happen if we began to walk as one? Everyone would win.

There was a season of intense struggle and disagreement in our marriage. John and I were at an impasse, and rather than continuing to fight openly, we slipped into a cold war. We were measured lovers and friends who only came so close, but no closer. John was busy traveling, and I was busy with children. Our orbits spun independently. It just seemed easier that way. I did not bother him, and he did not bother me. Separate lives seemed safer. I felt if I showed him that I really needed him, I would be giving him yet another opportunity to hurt and disappoint me. Sadly, I believe John felt the same way. We were willing to reach out and touch others, but not each other. There was a disconnect. It was as though we’d experienced an amicable divorce, without formal papers.

One morning I woke early and was writing in my journal when the Holy Spirit quickened my heart with the following Scripture: Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? (Amos 3:3, NIV) We were walking but there was no agreement. We only agreed to disagree and, frankly, for a husband and a wife that is just not good enough.

I felt the prompting continue: What I want to do will not happen with the two of you functioning separately…I want two who are one, for this is what I can bless.

Later, I shared with John what I felt God had told me. I told him I was with him and for him, and that I had no interest in living life without him. John softened and shared his desire to do the same. We joined hands and hearts that day. We laid it all down—the distance, the opinions, the who was right, and the who was wrong. We gave it all to the Father in prayer: “Holy Father, bless us again…make us one.” It was both a definite and dramatic turning point in our relationship, family, finances, and ministry.

Why not make this your prayer tonight and watch what happens when you invite God into your garden?


Taken from: Fight Like A Girl, The Power of Being A Woman


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