How to Stay Unified in Hard Seasons

Life can throw a lot at us, and sometimes its challenges can pull us apart in our marriages rather than uniting us. When we face hardships, is it our tendency to connect or to isolate? Just as our country required unity to overcome the difficult times of earning independence, so our marriages need a united front to succeed and flourish. Connection is often forged through struggle, rather than comfort. Hard seasons are an opportunity to grow closer to like-minded people and practice the oneness that marriage was designed for.

How can couples maintain emotional and spiritual closeness during uncomfortable seasons? Hebrews 12:11(ESV) promises that painful discipline produces a peaceful harvest when it tells us that “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Here are some strategies to help you reach righteousness and peace together, even while facing challenges.

Communicate

Scripture reminds us in James 1:19 (ESV) of the importance of listening to others. Because each member of a marriage is a unique individual, they will process and respond to trials in unique ways. This means it is important to communicate with one another during hard times. Ask your partner how they are interpreting or handling the struggle. Tell them your side of it. Being aware of the impact that life challenges have on your partner will keep you from making assumptions or overlooking important needs. Open communication can prevent misunderstanding and unite your hearts and minds. It will allow you to learn how to support and encourage your spouse during the trial.

Take time to intentionally sit down and discuss the issue, either at home or on a date. Turn off devices and use pre-written questions if it is helpful. Listen carefully and respond with grace.

Get on the Same Page

Without a united front, couples can begin attacking a problem with different methods, which can reduce their effectiveness. Without a general to lead a battle, soldiers would be unable to defeat an enemy. Being united means working together as a team with a similar goal, even if you have different roles. When a problem arises in your lives, talk about it and the various solutions. Share your vision, goals, and plans and get on the same page.

As a couple, listen to podcasts, read books or articles on the topic, or seek counsel. Join forces in addressing the problem just as Ecclesiastes 4:9 (ESV) recommends, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.”

Connect Spiritually

Satan would love to use trials to divide marriages. He knows the power of a strong and united Christian marriage and will use any means to disrupt it. For this reason, couples must remain spiritually connected in difficult seasons. Now is the time to set aside personal devotions, if necessary, to study scripture together. Practice 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (ESV) and build one another up spiritually so that you are both wearing the armor of God. Do a topical study that applies to your current challenges, look up verses and memorize them together to fight your battle as one. Pray together regularly about the issue, seeking wisdom and unity. Just as the warriors of the Bible sought wisdom from prophets and God before fighting, you must seek God to help you unite in this hard season.

Have Fun

Scripture must remind us to rejoice in our trials and to know that there is ultimate good coming from them. Therefore, couples should not neglect fun during their trials. Even Solomon reminds us to enjoy life despite the evil times. Schedule time to simply have fun together, get your minds off your difficulties, and enjoy one another as people. Plan a game night, a meal out, a fun outing or a weekend away to refresh, connect as friends, and enjoy the life that God has given you. Hardship can weigh you down, but God created opportunities for fun and joy to remind us that He is good even when life is hard. Practice this truth by having fun together.

United We Stand

A family is in some sense its own country. It has people, traditions, beliefs, and rules. This mini country can’t function well if it is divided. By remaining united in thought, heart, and deed, your family-country can succeed even in dark times. Continue building the muscle of togetherness as you build a life together.