How Our Marriage Stays Unshakeable Through Trials

Marriage can feel easy and comfortable when everything in life is going well, but what about when the trials hit? What happens when your spouse loses their job or a loved one gets sick? What do you do when your secure world is suddenly and unexpectedly shaken up?

Hard times in life can put even the strongest marriages to the test. They’ll often do one of two things: tear a couple apart or bring them closer and deepen their bond. How do you make sure your marriage is solid enough to endure whatever life throws your way?

Lean Toward Each Other, Not Away

When an expected situation hits, it can be tempting to run from it and from everyone around you. However, your spouse should be the one person you can turn to with anything and show your true self to.

When the road gets rocky, you need each other the most to hold onto and support one another. Instead of running in opposite directions, run to each other and to God together. Chances are you’re both feeling uneasy and scared, but having each other to turn to can bring comfort and a sense of unity amid the difficulty.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up”(Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NIV).

Check-In, Not Out

When difficult situations arise, it can be easy to just “shut down” or “check out” and pretend everything’s fine. Unfortunately, this does more harm than good. Not only is “stuffing” your feelings harmful to your own mental well-being, but it can also cause couples to drift apart significantly.

During intense and stressful circumstances, it’s important to check in regularly with yourself and with your spouse.

A self-check-in involves being mindful of your mental state and how it affects those around you. Ask yourself, “How am I feeling?” “Am I taking care of myself?” “Am I projecting my feelings on others or being short in my responses?”

It’s also crucial to keep open and vulnerable communication with your spouse. Check in to see how they’re doing throughout the day. Be affectionate, supportive, and open with one another.

Just as you’re tempted to shut down, your spouse is too. Keeping communication consistent, compassionate, and honest will strengthen your relationship and keep your marriage from suffering during a trial.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:2-3, NIV).

Seek God, Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

This is by far the most important advice for maintaining a rock-solid marriage. Both spouses must put God first. While some situations naturally bring us to our knees in prayer, others can make it feel difficult to pray and worship God authentically.

If you want your marriage to withstand any storm, you have to hold tightly to the anchor. As Christians, we’re called to praise God and spend time in His word and prayer, not just on Sundays or days we feel like it… all the time, throughout any circumstance.

This is easier said than done. At times, we might not feel like God is good. We might be so heartbroken by a situation that we can’t move past our own feelings. Yet, God meets us in our brokenness. He walks the difficult road with us. So, let him into your mess. Keep communication open and continue to utter the truth until you fully believe it.

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him” (James 1:12, ESV).

A Steadfast Marriage

My husband and I have been married for 15 years, and while we still have a lot of life left to experience together, we’ve learned that it isn’t always smooth sailing.

In our years together, we’ve experienced a house fire, mental health struggles, the unexpected death of relatives, chronic physical health issues, the uncertainty of being without work or a place to call home, loved ones diagnosed with cancer, and more.

Our relationship has remained constant and steady through it all, due to no power of our own but the work of God in our lives. We’ve had to fight the urge to shut down, be intentional and vulnerable, offer one another grace, and put each other’s needs before anything or anyone else.

Most importantly, we have continued to seek God together, even when we’re tempted to question his plan. We remember he is good and his promises are true. Our mutual faith and commitment to the Lord are what hold our marriage together as we weather the storms of life.

“And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12, ESV).