7 Ways to Communicate Better With Your Husband

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey

Do you ever look at your husband mid-conversation and realize you didn’t hear what he just said? I have. It’s usually when I have a million thoughts running through my mind. I feel guilty when I focus on my thoughts instead of giving my husband my full attention. Our thoughts are not the only things distracting us from better communication with our husbands.

Communication can be difficult, especially when we are distracted, feel like we are talking to a wall, or someone is constantly complaining.

How can we communicate better with our spouses?

I’m sure you’ve heard there is a reason God gave you two ears and one mouth. This remark is meant to point us to the Bible verse, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19, ESV).

When we seek guidance from the Bible, we can be confident in our approach to communicating with our husbands. Like every other skill, effective communication takes practice. Being slow to speak, slow to anger, and quick to listen will help us communicate better.

Be Slow to Speak

When we are slow to speak, it shows we are listening to our spouse for understanding and not just giving a quick reply. Being slow to speak indicates we care about our husband and how our words will affect him.

“The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things” (Proverbs 15:28, ESV).

As we take the time to consider what our husband is going through and how our words will affect him, God will reveal what we should or should not say. The last thing we want to do is spew words from our worldly perspective that will diminish our respect for our spouse.

“The beginning of strife is like letting out water; so quit before the quarrel breaks out” (Proverbs 17:14, ESV).

When water is let out of a faucet slowly, it takes time to fill up the glass, but if it comes out too fast, it could cause us to drop the glass and break it. Our words are the same way. It can take some time before the right words come to our minds to speak, but those words will be an encouragement and truth that is needed.

If we speak too fast, we could put our foot in our mouth and regret what we said. Once those negative words are spoken, there is no taking them back.

Be Slow to Anger

As Christians, we are supposed to show grace to others. The truth is, grace doesn’t come naturally, and sometimes it is easier to react in anger. Being slow to anger will foster a safe environment and allow for better communication with our husband.

“Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly” (Proverbs 14:29, ESV).

A little smirk on the face and a quick lash of the tongue. How many times have we said something to our spouse out of anger and immediately regretted it? How foolish did it sound afterward? The sting of hurtful words cannot be taken away.

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (Proverbs 16:32, ESV).

God will smile down on us when we look to him for our response instead of reacting to our emotions. The power of the tongue is mightier than we know.

It can be used to build up or destroy.

Our job, not only as Christians but as a wife, is to build up our husbands. Let’s remember to encourage them and do it often.

Be Quick to Listen

In our busy world, we typically want a brief explanation of what is going on in someone’s life rather than an extended explanation. However, in order to communicate better with our husbands, we need to slow down and listen intently to what they are sharing with us. It can take time to become comfortable with slowing down, and one of the benefits is that our marriage will flourish.

“Whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good” (Proverbs 19:8, ESV).

Keeping God at the center of our marriage will allow us to see the good in the trials and learn to lean on him. If we are seeking guidance from God and others who have traveled this road called marriage before us, we can have faith that we are building a firm foundation.

Life happens, and there will be potholes along the way. Those potholes will be pockets of wisdom to share with others down the road.

“By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established” (Proverbs 24:3, ESV).

There is no better way to build a firm foundation in our marriage than gaining wisdom and taking the time to understand our husbands.

• The more time we spend with our husbands, the more intricately we know them.
• The more life we experience together, the more wisdom we gain.
• The more we are in the Word, the more solid our foundation is.
• The more solid of a foundation we have in our marriage, the more likely we will be able to have difficult conversations without quarreling.

As you actively practice being slow to speak, slow to anger, and quick to listen, you can go one step further during those important conversations and communicate intentionally with your husband.

Communicating Intentionally

Here are 7 quick tips you can use right now to communicate intentionally with your husband.

1. Put your phone down. Are you spending more time on your phone than being present in your relationship? This is a trap we all fall into. Put down the phone and encourage your husband to be present, too.
2. Find a comfortable place (living room, kitchen table, back patio). Find a place where you are free to focus on one another.
3. Make eye contact. This shows your husband he has your complete attention.
4. Acknowledge what your husband is saying. Don’t just listen. Listen actively.
5. Ask, “Do you want my advice, or are you venting?” before responding.
6. Speak in love and truth. Don’t let anger or hurt feelings take over the conversation.
7. Be honest. This one is hard sometimes, but honesty really is the best policy in positive communication with your husband.

Taking the time to actively listen to our husband, setting aside all distractions, and seeking God’s guidance before speaking is a good start to communicating better with our husband. When we come together as a couple and seek to glorify God in our union, He will bless us and see us through even the most difficult trials this world has to offer.