5 Small Habits That Keep Your Marriage Close

We see a sad reality take place all the time in marriages: couples drift apart. Usually, the issue isn’t a lack of love for each other. They don’t just decide to stop loving each other one day. Instead, the closeness and companionship fade over time, and the distance grows gradually.

As couples get comfortable and used to having the other person around, they may no longer put in the effort for regular connection amid the constant pull of life’s other responsibilities.

Without daily intentionality, our relationships, whether romantic or otherwise, suffer. That is why it is so important to prioritize your marriage, not only once things have gotten bad and your relationship needs to be repaired, and not once a year at a marriage retreat, but every day, even if your marriage is in a good place. Giving it continued care and attention is the only way you will see growth.

Small Habits That Lead to Big Change

So, how do we build a strong marriage that will not only survive but thrive through the ins and outs of life? It’s not through some grand overhaul or major epiphany; rather, it comes through small, consistent habits.

1. Regular Check-Ins

This one may seem obvious, but it’s often easier said than done. In busy or chaotic seasons of life, finding even little moments of connection can feel impossible. Yet, it’s so important to the well-being of both spouses and the strength of the relationship.

Ideally, communication should be consistent throughout the day. I try to check in with my husband at least a few times a day, even when we both have busy schedules. It can look like this:

Morning: “Good morning! How’d you sleep?” “What does your day look like today?”

Midday: “Hey, how’s everything going?”

Evening: “How was your day?” “How did _____ go today?” “How are you feeling about _____ tomorrow?”

Obviously, every conversation will look different, and you know your spouse best. Ask specific questions and listen attentively. Depending on whether you’re together or apart, or what else is going on at the time, the conversation may be shorter or longer. The important part is to keep the communication going, no matter the setting.

2. Spend Time in God’s Word Together

Read and study God’s Word together regularly. You may be tempted to skip past this one or think you don’t have time for it. But it’s one of the best things you can do for your marriage!

If I’m being completely honest, getting into a routine with this has been difficult for us. Some evenings, after the kids go to bed, we read a chapter of the Bible together and discuss it before watching a show. Ideally, this would happen every night, but realistically, it doesn’t.

However, something that has helped us spend consistent time in Scripture has been doing a “His and Hers” Bible study together once a week. We each have our own devotional book and study a book of the Bible together. There’s a short reading for each day, followed by questions. We like to read the page aloud, discuss the questions, write down our own answers, and then pray together.

This isn’t a huge time commitment; it takes maybe 15 to 20 minutes. Still, because we have a consistent time scheduled each week, it doesn’t fall by the wayside.

It has been such a sweet time for the two of us, with each other and with the Lord. It may feel awkward at first to discuss Scripture or pray out loud with your spouse, but once you start doing it consistently, it adds depth and trust to your relationship.

3. Walk Together

I know, maybe you’re in a season of life where this feels impossible, but if you can carve out any time, I’d highly suggest it! First thing in the morning, on a lunch break, after dinner… whenever it works with your schedule!

My husband and I walk together once a week, right after our Bible study. This can be a great way to stack habits and start your day or week off on the right note.

Walking with someone creates the perfect opportunity for uninterrupted discussion, which many of us, especially those with young children, don’t get enough of and desperately crave.

4. Physical Affection

Our physical and emotional states are often more connected than we realize. Have you ever been so upset that you were shaking? Have you noticed how your body tenses up when you’re stressed? Yet when you feel calm and emotionally at peace, isn’t it easier to rest your body?

As spouses, we can contribute to each other’s well-being in this way. We can bring a sense of comfort, warmth, and stability to each other’s day.

A hug in the morning, holding hands while sitting next to each other or walking together, a hand on the leg, a gentle rub on the back as you pass by — these brief but intentional touches will create an atmosphere of closeness and comfort in your home.

5. Regular Dates

You often hear people say, “Date your spouse!” Maybe you roll your eyes a bit, thinking, “Who has time for that?” I get it. Date nights take planning, effort, and, usually, money. That seems like a lot of work in a world where everyone needs something from us.

Yet intentionality pays off. Don’t overthink it. It doesn’t need to be fancy or expensive, and it doesn’t need to last an entire day. Just schedule some one-on-one time, even if it’s once a month.

My husband and I try to do this. The first Wednesday of every month is our “date night” (though sometimes it’s a breakfast date!). We take turns planning it and arranging childcare if needed, so the responsibility doesn’t always fall on one person.

Here are a few simple date ideas:

Go for a local hike.

Grab some ice cream and sit in the park together.

Try an activity like bowling, ice skating, or disc golf.

Make a meal together.

Go to an arcade.

Stay home and play a board game.

Order takeout and watch a movie together.

Grab dessert and chat in the car while you eat it.

Go for a long walk and ask each other questions to get reacquainted.

What you’re doing doesn’t matter as much as who you’re doing it with. Think about it: you fell in love with your husband as you spent time with him and got to know him. As you get older, you change, and it’s important that you keep falling in love with your spouse.

Make Time For What Matters

We prioritize certain things in our lives while neglecting others, sometimes without even realizing it. The truth is, we will always make time for the things that matter most to us. Does your relationship with your spouse matter to you? If so, start treating it that way today and make it a priority.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” — Colossians 3:12–14 (ESV).